As Seen In Woman’s World Magazine

April 29th, 2012 | by Dan O

Expert Communication Trainer Dan O'Connor Motivational Keynote SpeakerThank you, Woman’s World Magazine!

Your April 16 article, “Magic Words that Guarantee Success” featuring expert communication trainer and dealing with difficult speaker Dan O’Connor was excellent.

Here’s a snippet:

“It may sound counterintuitive, but if you want to get your idea noticed by that hard-to-please VIP, don’t say you have an idea! “ ‘Idea’ is vague and easy to dismiss,” notes communication expert Daniel O’Connor, author of the e-book Say This—Not That! “Instead, say, ‘I have a proposal.’ ” It’s concrete and implies you’ve given your ideas a lot of thought. “Then come up with four possibilities and make the idea you really want to get noticed the third option,” advises O’Connor. The number three holds huge psychological sway, a phenomenon known as the “Goldilocks effect”: “The person you’re trying to convince will say yes to the third idea 60% of the time!” Did you know? We even gravitate to the third dish at buffets! “When there are three piles of plates at a buffet, the third stack gets depleted twice as quickly as the other two!” says O’Connor…”

Go out and get the April 16 issue for more!

Are you looking for communication training or an expert speaker on communication or dealing with difficult people? Contact us to see how you can get the training you need starting at just $2500 through July 2012! If you’re looking for on-site communication training, a communication workshop, or just a speaker specializing in dealing with difficult customers or customer service skills, contact us to see how you can get the training you need while staying within your budget. Do you live in Texas? Contact us about our Dallas, Houston, Austin, and San Antonio communication training specials!

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Effective Communication Power Phrase: “The Surrender”

April 19th, 2012 | by Dan O

Effective communication skills training power phrasesWould you like the people you work with to be more fair and flexible?

Remember the communication truth: It is only what you are not giving that can possibly be missing from this relationship.

That said, if you want people to be more flexible with you, be more flexible with them. In other words; surrender more.

Most smart, savvy communicators are used to getting their way and “winning.” A dangerous side-effect of savvy communication can sometimes be that they become a little too aggressive and determined to “win.”

If you’re on a mission to get the people you work with to be more flexible and bend to your will, try this effective professional communication skills tactic from expert communication trainer and motivational keynote speaker Dan O’Connor:

THE SURRENDER TACTIC

It goes like this: When you find yourself in a discussion or even an argument with colleagues (especially difficult people), instead of proving your point or trying to convince people to go along with your idea, if the issue or point of disagreement is something that you can concede to, simply use the three step process:

1) State your objection (Power Phrase: “It’s difficult for me to see how that will work,”)

2) Convey Trust (Power Phrase: “I trust your judgement,”)

3) Show support (Power Phrase: “You have my support.”)

To put it all together, it would sound something like this: “Mark, while it’s difficult for me to see how the change in the accounting process will work, I trust your judgement and you have my support. You can count on me to help any way I can.”

Sounds simple, doesn’t it? It actually is quite simple, but it’s not easy because our ego tends to get in the way and we choose to be right rather than effective.

Remember that the more people see you as fair and flexible, the more people will choose to be fair and flexible with you. Give it=Get it.

Are you considering on-site communication training workshops in Texas? If you’re struggling dealing with difficult people or other communication issues, we have the solution for you! Contact us today to learn about our Texas summer specials. We are offering special rates for communication training workshops and keynotes in Houston, Dallas, San Antonio, and Austin. Are you looking for a keynote speaker on communication for your next event in Denver? We are also running special prices for Denver. Contact us to learn more about our communication training and dealing with difficult people workshops and keynotes.


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What to Do When Someone Interrupts You (How to say “SHUT UP!”)

April 11th, 2012 | by Dan O

dan oconnor expert communication speaker trainer motivational keynote speakerWhat is the most common starter phrase people use as a reaction to being interrupted?

If you thought “Excuse me,” or “I’m sorry,” you’re exactly right. Most people start their response with these two phrases, and most people are not effective at maintaining the communication floor.

If you want to be a more assertive (or even aggressive) communicator, one of the effective communication skills you’ll need to develop is your ability to maintain the floor when someone tries to pull it out from under you. Today’s professional communication tip is The Anti-Interrupter.

If you are in a meeting and someone (let’s say your competition) successfully interrupts you, you lose your position and credibility along with losing the floor. Don’t let this happen to you ever again. Learn how to be an effective anti-interrupter.

I use Judge Judy as a perfect example of someone who is not easily interrupted. JJ’s communication style might be different from yours, but let’s take her Anti-Interrupter tactic and break it down:

Step 1) Keep your head straight; no tilting to the side

Step 2) Make “wide eyes” or open your lids to show the entire iris

Step 3) Use a stop gesture (think of what the international sign is for “stop”

Step 5) Use an anti-interrupter phrase (There are two to choose from; “I’m speaking,” and “I’m still speaking.”

If you ever watch Judge Judy, you’ll see she never strays from this formula. Use it, practice it, and while you might not call people names in a meeting, you’ll be able to maintain the floor against the best–and most aggressive–of them.

Remember to contact us about your summer specials! Do you need communication training in Houston, Denver, San Antonio, Austin, or Dallas? Call now and book training with no travel fees to these US cities. Looking for a motivational keynote speaker on communication or dealing with difficult people for your next event? Contact us now.


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Danger Phrase: “I’d Suggest”

April 3rd, 2012 | by Dan O

Expert Communication Trainer and Motivational Keynote Speaker Dan O'ConnorDANGER PHRASE: “I’d suggest…”

POWER PHRASE: “I suggest…”

This is your professional communication training tip for the day, brought to you by expert communication trainer and motivational keynote speaker Dan O’Connor:

If you ever find yourself about to say something along the lines of, “I’d suggest.” STOP! This is a common lead-in line for something you’re suggesting, but what it does is diminish and negate the suggestion you are about to put forth. Instead, what the savvy communicator uses is the Power Phrase, “I suggest.”

It sounds simple, but notice the difference in the message the two phrases send. One says, “Well, if I were confident in my suggestion, here’s what it would be…” and the other says, “I am confident in my suggestion and here’s what it is…”

It takes training and time to develop polished, savvy, professional communication skills. Make sure to subscribe to our site (on the home page), follow us on Facebook (www.facebook.com/communicationtraining) and Twitter (http://twitter.com/#!/evslayer), subscribe to our RSS feed, and contact us to keep the learning and communication training going! (more…)


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Danger Phrase: “You said…” Power Phrase: “I understood…”

March 20th, 2012 | by Dan O

communication training, expert communication trainer Dan O'Connor keynote speaker dealing with difficult peopleSometimes we need to clarify messages before we respond, but using danger phrases such as, “you said,” can sabotage our success.

Keep in mind that human beings think they’re saying something other than what they’re really saying over 50% of the time. Therefore, saying to someone, “You said…” increases that person’s self-talk, increases the odds of confrontation and aggression, and distracts from the ultimate communication goal, which is understanding.

Next time, instead of saying, “You said…” try, “I understood” or “I heard” instead.

Watch how it changes the message:

“You said that you were going to get it done by the end of the day.” and “I understood that it was going to be done by the end of the day.”

or

“Let me get this straight…you just said you never told me you’d get it done by the end of the day?” and “Let me clarify what I heard before I respond. You never told me you’d get it done by the end of the day. Is that correct?”

Remember…it’s more important to gain understanding and clarity than to prove that you have a good memory; you can either choose to be right or to be effective.

Looking for more Danger Phrases and Power Phrases? Check out our latest release, Say This–Not That on Amazon.com. (more…)


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Avoiding Passive-Aggressive Communication: “Hostile Questions”

March 1st, 2012 | by Dan O

Hostile questions and passive aggressive communicationMany people aren’t clear as to what “passive-aggressive” really means. To put it in the simplest of terms, when you engage in passive-aggressive behavior, it’s your intention to punish someone–or to be aggressive–but just not be up-front about it.

For example, putting a difficult customer “on hold” while you go have a cup of coffee is passive-aggressive, because instead of setting boundaries with your customers, you simply make them suffer.

A common passive-aggressive maneuver that many of us engage in is when we ask “hostile questions.” Hostile questions are not really questions at all; they’re statements thinly veiled by a question, and generally begin with a starter-phrase such as, “What were you thinking…” or “How did you think…” or “Why would you…”

For example, “Why would you talk to me like that in front of my employees?” is frequently simply a passive-aggressive way to say something that could have been assertive, such as, “When you talk to me like that in front of my employees I feel angry and betrayed because it undermines my authority with them.” Or, “How did you think it makes me feel when you stand me up for dinner. AGAIN?” is a passive-aggressive way to say, “When you make plans with me, then break them, I feel hurt and let down, because I love you, and count on you doing what you say you’ll do.”

The next time you are about to ask a “Hostile Question,” instead, try wrapping up your message in a “hamburger.” A hamburger is a simple verbal pattern that helps us engage in assertive communication, and it goes like this: “When you…I feel…because…” and you’ll see it used in the two examples above. Try this and watch the difference in results! Even if you can’t articulate your feelings perfectly, you’ll be trying to be assertive rather than aggressive, and nothing is more disarming or productive than assertive, straight-forward communication. (more…)


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Non-Verbal Communication Tip of the Day: Avoid the “Crazy Eyes”

February 29th, 2012 | by Dan O

non-verbal communication tip from expert communication trainer dan oconnorEye contact is good; too much eye contact is bad. Direct eye contact held for more than seven seconds is a form of aggressive behavior.

Sure, in the US we’re all trained to look one another in the eye while communicating. As Americans, however, we also have one of the most aggressive communication styles on the planet.

Remember that if you’re in a job interview, talking to a client, a co-worker, or your boss–if you feel as though 10 seconds or so has passed without breaking eye contact, just quickly glance over the other person’s shoulder and then back again. This quick glance-away should be almost undetectable; it should be quick and natural, as most people do while communicating with others. If you make it a point not to break the eye contact because you want to prove your communication prowess, what you’ll end up doing is simply making the other person feel uncomfortable, and it’s very difficult to accomplish any worth-while communication goal if this is the point from which you start.

Furthermore, are you someone who has been told that you can be a little “intimidating” when you communicate with others? Then in addition to the break-the-eye-contact rule, remember this as well: If the person looking at you can see the entire iris (the colored part) of your eye for a prolonged period of time, it may be perceived as not just a form of aggressive behavior, but as a sign of psychosis–which it is.

(more…)


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Body Language Tip of the Day: Watch Your Head Tilts

February 27th, 2012 | by Dan O

Assertive communication and body language go hand in hand. If you sometimes feel as though people aren’t taking your message seriously enough, make sure that when you’re engaging in assertive communication, you are aware of how your head is tilted.

When you are delivering an assertive message, such as, “John, I do want to hear everything you have to say, but not like this,” make sure to keep your head straight up or tilt it forward as though you’re saying, “yes” as you speak.

When you want to soften your message, or make people feel more at ease (less intimidated, if you will) tilt your head to the side–as if questioning something–while you speak.

Many people who are beginning to engage in assertive communication often overlook the role body language plays. Don’t make this common mistake. Remember that body language is over 50% of the message you’re sending, and it can make or break your entire message.

Want more communication skills training? Check out our free audios for more. Are you looking for help in your organization? Contact us to see how we can help transform the communication–and energy–in your office. Are you looking for an expert keynote speaker or trainer for your next event? Contact us now to see how easy it is to craft the perfect message that will teach and inspire. (more…)


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Power Phrase for Email; STOP CCing ME!

February 24th, 2012 | by Dan O

Do you ever find yourself “trapped” in an email CC that goes on and on and on, and you think to yourself, “Why am I being CC’d here?”

It’s sometimes difficult for us to set boundaries in emails without sounding harsh or aggressive. That’s why we all need a few email power phrases to help us communicate more quickly, tactfully, and professionally.

“I’m going to step out of this conversation” is a perfect power phrase to use when you want to tell people to stop CCing you in an email chain. For example, “It looks like you no longer need my input here, so I’m going to step out of this conversation. Please contact me if you have any other questions I can help you with.”

See? Simple.

Try using this simple power phrase for emails the next time you need to tell people to stop bugging you. The more consistent you are with setting boundaries, the more people will learn how to treat you. Remember, it’s always up to us to train people how to treat us, even in emails!

Could your organization use professional communication training, or a motivational keynote speaker? Contact us today to see how we can help. Are you looking for a motivational keynote speaker in Texas? Ask us about our Texas summer special.


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Why Would I Dress Up for Work?

February 23rd, 2012 | by Dan O

What is your wardrobe saying about you? What are your work outfits communicating about you? Many times we think, “Why would I dress up for work? It’s just work. Besides, it’s casual Friday.”

Do you dress up for a first date? Do you dress up for a holiday party? Do you dress up for a job interview? Of course you do. Why? Because it’s a “special occasion” and we know that special occasions warrant an upgrade in our wardrobe. So that brings us back to the point–what is your look communicating about you? Are you telling your co-workers, your boss, and your customers that it’s a special occasion, or are you just one step away from coming to work in your pajamas?

Remember this: we don’t dress up at work for ourselves so much as we do it for others. We do it for others in the sense that we honor those around us by showing that we spent a little extra time to polish our image because the people we will encounter deserve it.

Basic fashion DONT’S for work:

  • Flip-flops
  • Sweat pants, sweat shirts, or anything beginning with sweat
  • Casual jeans
  • T-shirts
  • Scrunchies
  • Anything that can also be worn to exercise in
  • Anything that can also be worn to bed
  • Anything that can also be worn to a costume party

Remember the basic rule of thumb is this: Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.


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