When was the last time you listened to Dan’s “Something to Think About” series–right here on this website? Are you struggling with relationships, with forgiveness, with ingratitude? Are you troubled by how things are going with your friend, your partner, your children, your parents, your boss, your co-worker? Are you in a situation that you can’t change–and you need help just to survive? Do you want to convert that survival into truly living? Then go to http://powerdiversity.com/podcasts and click on the second video screen, and choose one or all topics–whatever suits you–whatever will help. This help is free and immediate.
Here’s your professional communication skills tip for the day:
The next time you’re about to say “I’d suggest…” instead, say simply “I suggest.”
Saying, “I’d suggest…” implies that if you were confident enough in your idea or yourself, your suggestion would be… and “I suggest” is a verbal pattern of a confident, savvy, professional communicator.
For example, notice the difference:
“I’d suggest we review all our options first,” and “I suggest we review all our options first.”
“I’d suggest you ask him yourself,” and “I suggest you ask him yourself.”
When you say, “I’d” instead of “I” it simply sabotages and weakens your message. “I’d” is NOT a verbal pattern of a powerful communicator.
For more Danger and Power phrases, check out our latest book Say This–Not That!! on Amazon.com.
Are you looking for communication training for you or your organization? Power Diversity University is due out this spring! Online training the way you’d expect it from Dan. Contact us now for your pre-registration discount coupon.
Do you need an inspirational keynote speaker or communication trainer for your upcoming event? Contact us now to book Dan.
If you need to have a conversation with someone at work who you know uses crying as a defense/distraction mechanism, and you don’t want that crying to derail your communication efforts, use this simple 3-step process:
1) Have your tools ready.
When dealing with a Cry-Baby, make sure you have two tools at hand:
1-A box of tissues-that will soak up the tears
2-A glass/bottle of water-the reason we give people water when they’re crying/upset is because the action of lifting your chin up (required to drink) stops the average person from crying, and helps calm out-of-control emotions. It’s about the head tilting back–not the hydration.
2) Have an empowering closed-ended question prepared.
Empowering questions force other people to choose how they are going to behave. Closed-ended questions require a one-word answer, and discourage further communication.
-Perfect empowering closed-ended question for a Cry-Baby: “I can see you’re upset. Would you like to take a minute or two to regain your composure, or are you ready to continue now?”
3) Use the broken record.
Remember to stay on message. Don’t let a Cry-Baby steer you off track.
To put it all together, if you’re having one of “those talks” with a Cry-Baby, and they begin to cry, put your shoulders back, chest out, keep your head straight (don’t tilt your head to the side), and say this:
“I can see you’re upset.” Grab the box of tissues and hand it to the CB. “Would you like to take a minute or two to regain your composure, or are you ready to continue now?” Now hand them the water.
Cry Baby: “This is just really hard for me, I mean my cat just died, my boyfriend dumped me, and now you’re yelling at me.”
You: “I can see you’re upset. Would you like to take a minute or two to regain your composure, or are you ready to continue now?”(Broken Record time)
Cry Baby: “Why are you being so mean?”
You: “Would you like to take a minute or two to regain your composure, or are you ready to continue now?”
Keep repeating the process until you communicate whatever it is you want to communicate to the Cry Baby. The key is not to allow them to throw you off message. If you stick to your guns and stay on message, the Cry Baby will understand that this behavior doesn’t work with you.
For more information on dealing with difficult people at work and at home, check out Dan’s Book, Energy Vampire Slaying: 101, available at Amazon.com.
Are you looking for keynote motivational speakers? Do you have an event coming up in Texas? Do you need a communication trainer for your next event? Contact us now to see how you can bring motivational keynote speaker, and expert communication trainer Dan O’Connor to your next event. Does your entire organization need help dealing with difficult people? Contact us for help. Check out our onsite training and keynote catalog. We’re running great specials now for Denver, Anchorage, Las Vegas, Houston, Dallas, Austin, San Antonio, and more!
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When we deal with difficult and demanding people, it’s good to keep some basic communication principles in mind. For example, here’s your communication tip of the day: It’s all about you.
What you say to someone has nothing to do with them or their behavior; it’s all about you. Every word you speak is a testament to who you believe you are.
Click on the video above for more. This video was taken at a recent live communication training event, delivered by keynote speaker and expert communication trainer Dan O’Connor. If you’re looking for an inspirational motivational speaker specializing in dealing with difficult people, or if you need a communication training workshop leader or facilitator, contact us now to see how easy it is to bring Dan to your organization.
When dealing with passive-aggressive behavior, one of the keys is to call people on their behavior and make them accountable. A simple way to do that is to use what is called a spotlight question–a spotlight question always begins with the lead-in line, “Are you trying to…” For example:
“Are you trying to insult me?”
“Are you trying to disrupt this meeting?”
“Are you trying to say you don’t like my ideas?”
Making passive-aggressive communicators accountable for their behavior takes away their reward, and decreases the likelihood of them continuing that behavior with you.
Remember, you can’t change the way people behave, but you can train them how to treat YOU.
For more communication training tips, make sure to subscribe to our newsletter on the home page of this site.
Are you looking for a trainer, workshop leader, or facilitator to help your entire organization eliminate negativity, backstabbing, gossip, exploders, cry-babies, and other difficult people and behavior? Our on-site training seminars can instantly change your work environment. Contact us now to see how easy it is to bring a trainer to your organization.
Do you live in Houston, Dallas, San Anotonio, or Austin Texas? How about Las Vegas Nevada, Anchorage Alaska, or Dever Colorado? We’re running specials and offering great deals for onsite training in these areas. Communication training has never been easier or more effective. Check out our course catalog and contact us today for a quote.
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We are now offering a new diversity workshop in the Houston, Dallas, Austin, and San Antonio areas entitled, “The Language of Diversity.” This on-site diversity training workshop delivers measurable, immediate results. Workshop participants take a quiz at the beginning of the workshop and then again at the end of the workshop; all participants will demonstrate what they learn, and the company can demonstrate what was taught.
What Participants will learn:
- How to identify and speak inclusive language
- How to define and discuss the different dimensions of diversity
- How to use a diversity compass to navigate diversity issues
- What “gender-neutral” language is, and how to use it at work
- What the Platinum Rule is and how to implement it at work
- What words and phrases run the risk of being labeled “hostile” and what to use instead
- How to identify and work with diverse personality types
- How to use communication scripts to defuse confrontation and mediate grievances
- How to avoid sexual harassment
This workshop focuses on specifics: what to say, what to do, and what NOT to say and do. If you’re looking for a workshop where participants will leave saying, “Wow! I really learned something,” than this workshop is for you. Language patterns and behaviors will immediately change.
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Can you clearly articulate what the difference is between the active and passive voice? Any professional communicator needs to know this, and when it’s appropriate to use either voice.
Check out this article for a clear explanation of what the difference is: http://blog.ezinearticles.com/2012/10/passive-or-active-voice-which-should-you-use.html
Communication Expert, Author, and Motivational Keynote Speaker Dan O’Connor might be available for your next event. Click here to lean how to bring Dan live to teach your group about effective communication skills, dealing with difficult people skills, team-building skills, and more. Click here to contact us.
We have communication training specials currently running for Houston, TX, Austin, TX, San Antonio, TX, Dallas, TX, Denver, CO, Anchorage, AK, and Las Vegas, NV. If you are looking for a communication trainer or keynote speaker in these areas, you’re eligible for an extra discount. Contact us for details.
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DANGER PHRASE: “A BETTER IDEA…”
If you find yourself about to say something such as, “I have a better idea,” or, “I think that’s a better idea…” instead, write those phrases on your danger phrase list, and the next time, replace the word, “better” with an adjective or an adjective phrase that illustrates why you think the idea / proposal / solution / answer is–in your opinion–better.
For example, notice the difference:
Instead of saying, “I think I have a better idea,” try saying, “I believe I have a safer solution.” or, “I believe I have a more employee-focused proposal,” or, “I believe I have a more time-saving answer.”
When you articulate why an idea is better, people will be more open to hearing and believing in that idea. Sometimes just a couple of words make all the difference. If you want to be an effective communicator, you have to talk like one.
Are you looking for communication training in Las Vegas, Texas, Dallas, Houston, Denver, or Anchorage? Contact Us now to see how easy it is to bring Dan to your next event. Are you looking for an onsite communication training workshop? Contact us now or check out our course catalog. Remember, we don’t charge extra for customization.
It’s inevitable; we all have to confront someone sooner or later about something they said or did. If we’re not careful, most times the “confrontation” only makes matters worse.
If for whatever reason, you need to “call someone out” on his or her behavior, or let someone know that “you know–and you want them to know that you know,” try this simple, effective professional communication strategy:
BE THE “INVESTIGATOR”
According to the book The Laws of Power, it’s the person who asks the most questions in any relationship who has the perceived power in that relationship. Using this strategy will not only help you find the words to confront someone in a professional way, but also establish you as having more power in the relationship, all while giving the other person an easy out; a true win-win.
Simply put, if you choose to be “the investigator” when you need to confront someone on backstabbing, gossip, unprofessional behavior, sloppy work, a lie, or whatever else, just ask questions. You can start by saying something like this:
“Mark, I’m confused. Can you tell me what I might be missing? I can’t seem to find what I need in your report.” or “Jane, I’m troubled. Can you tell me why Mary would say you’re saying…about me?” or “Jean, I’m concerned. What am I doing wrong that this keeps happening again and again?”
The best part—if you truly are misunderstanding something, it’s a great opportunity to get the correct information without running the risk of being “wrong.” You can never be in the wrong when you’re simply looking for answers.
The next time you or someone in your office has to confront someone, remember–if you choose to be the investigator, it’s a simple, easy way to walk the fine line of assertive communication without crossing into passive or aggressive territory. This is great for combating negativity at work, backstabbing, gossiping, and other unprofessional behavior. Contact us to learn more.
Are you looking for onsite communication training for your entire organization? Are you dealing with negativity in the workplace, gossips, backstabbers, or other communication problems at work? If you’re looking for on-site communication training, contact us today to see how easy and affordable is is to tackle all of your communication issues in one group session. Are you looking for a motivational keynote speaker who specializes in communication, difficult people, or relationships? Contact us to bring Dan to your next event. Are you looking for communication training or a speaker in Texas, Alaska, or Phoenix? Contact us about our summer specials! Book now and save up to 1/2 off our regular rates. Austin, Dallas, San Antonio, Houston, Anchorage, and Phoenix all qualify for our great summer promotion.
If you need communication help, we have many different options to serve you; we can do on-site training, webinars, teleconferences, one-on-one, personal coaching and more. Check out our course catalog for an example of our courses and keynotes, and remember that we don’t charge extra for customization!
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Most of us have had the unfortunate experience of hearing that someone has been gossiping about us or revealing information about us. When this happens, it can be difficult to communicate assertively and clearly without crossing the line into aggressive behavior. Remember: we train people how to treat us, and it’s up to us to train people to understand that gossiping about us will not be tolerated.
If you decide that you must talk with someone about the fact that they are gossiping about you (or about someone else) you can always use the “I know this can’t be true” strategy. It goes something like this:
“Hi Hector. Pepe told me that you said that I was having an inappropriate relationship with Jose, my employee. I know you would never say things like this about me, so I wanted to bring it to your attention right away. I’m correct assuming you would never say anything like that about me, right?”
This is a great way to give people an out. Nine times out of ten, people will respond with something such as, “Of course not! I would never say those things,” to which you can respond, “I know; that’s why I wanted to bring this directly to you. Can I count on you to let me know if anyone continues to say things that may tarnish my professional image?” And nearly everyone will say, “Oh yes, of course.”
And now everyone is on alert. People will know that if they choose to gossip about you, they will be accountable. Best of all, you can accomplish this in a way that is neither aggressive nor offensive, and will discourage further gossip.
Is your entire organization struggling with office gossip, backstabbing, and negativity? Do you need help? Contact us and see how affordable it can be to have an anti-negativity expert trainer and speaker come right there onsite to your organization. Are you in the Dallas, Houston, San Antonio, Austin, or Texas area? Ask about our Texas summer specials. We’re also offering the same specials for Alaska good through December 2012. Contact us to learn more about how you can bring an expert communication trainer or motivational keynote speaker to your next event or organization. Communication training in Texas just got easier and more affordable, as did communication training in Alaska! Don’t settle for local–bring in the experts. Contact us today.
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