‘Help me Dan’
How do I get rid of Davey’s Sniper?
Thursday, March 18th, 2010
Hello Mr. Dan: I have a question for you about dealing with a guy in my office whose business is being mean. He is always sniping at people, and won’t back off. There is one guy in the office who this sniper guy hates, apparently. This very timid guy named Davey is always the butt of this sniper’s comments, to the point where this snide guy is now referred to as Davey’s Sniper. Really mean SOB. Anyway, today everything went too far for me, when Davey’s Sniper turned to me and slammed a presentation I’d just made to the executive board. He did this in front of the junior office staff–six of whom I supervise, btw. I asked him if he was meaning to insult me, and his response was: “Let me be clear, Shania, your presentation made you look like an unprepared moron.” I was so taken aback I didn’t know what to say. Most people like this guy back off when you assertively confront them, but Davey’s Sniper just won’t quit. Apparently Davey’s Sniper is a special breed? I never want to be called a moron again and I never want this guy on my back again. HOW CAN I SHUT HIM DOWN? Davey’s Sniper is very intelligent, by the way, and I’m not looking for a debate from him. PLEASE HELP ME, DAN!
Shania
Can You Give Me Some Tips for Delivering Difficult Messages?
Tuesday, November 10th, 2009
Dear Dan:
I think I need to polish my assertive communication skills. I’ve recently been promoted to supervisor in a government agency, and I have have difficult conversations with people who are my friends, and used to be my coworkers on the same level. Can you give me some communication tips for telling people when they have made a mistake, or when they need to change their behavior? I think I read in a previous communication advice column that you referred to scripting a lot, and use it in your on-site communication training courses, and keynote speakers use scripting a lot too. Can you help?
Thanks!
New Supervisor in New Jersey
Dear New Jersey:
I’d love to help! In my on-site communication training and seminars I frequently refer to what’s called “free-style scripting.” Free-style scripting is the future of communication scripting; it helps you be (more…)
How am I Supposed to Say No?
Monday, November 9th, 2009
Dear Dan,
So you’re a professional communications trainer and speaker. Tell me–My manager says that I sound like I work at the DMV when I say no to people. She says I’m supposed to say it more diplomatically (whatever that means) and that knowing how to say no in a professional way is part of the professional communication skills thing…what does that mean, and how am I supposed to say no at work?
What’s wrong with just saying no when you mean no? (more…)
I deserve an explanation…my boyfriend dumped me.
Friday, November 6th, 2009
Dear Dan:
My boyfriend dumped me with no explanation. I think I deserve one. How do I get him to tell me what’s going on?
Scorned in Schenectady.
Dear Scorned:
I always receive questions during my communication training seminars, and letters from my onsite training clients, asking me how to get their spouse/significant other/boss/friend to give more, explain more, or do something out of obligation, because the person who’s writing to me thinks that he or she DESERVES something after all they’ve done, or sacrificed.
As a communication trainer and keynote speaker specializing in dealing with difficult people, this issue comes up frequently.
The following section comes from my upcoming communication program, “Special Relationships”. I hope it helps everyone of us who struggles with these types of issues:
“But I’ve sacrificed so much!”
How often do you say or think this?
“I’ve sacrificed so much for you, I’ve sacrificed so much for this…I DESERVE…”
What does that even mean? Sacrifice?
I thought I’d look it up.
In the Oxford dictionary, sacrifice has many definitions…the first one is “The act of giving up something valued for the sake of something else more important or worthy.” (more…)
My Co-Worker is Sick and Twisted
Friday, November 6th, 2009
Dear Dan:
I am working with someone (another female) that has a very twisted, sick sense of humor. All of her jokes are usually at someone else’s expense. She is not well-liked; but does an excellent job. She and I are “co-leaders” in a healthcare environmen and our Operations Manager recently went out on medical leave leaving this person in charge. where we used to be able to communicate effectively, she now feels the need to assign projects to me. This coming from e-mails we have both received…..and could normally discuss and determine which of us was going to do what. She literally makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I get very poor energy from her; and needless to say, I have given her permission to take all of of mine as I literally despise coming to work………Please help!
Stressed Out in Saratoga Springs
Dear Stressed:
Wow, sounds like you really are having a miserable time. Let me take one issue at a time:
For the sick jokes that are usually at someone else’s expense, it sounds as though she would be what we would call the sniper. We talk about snipers a lot in my on-site communication training seminars, because they are a common office energy vampire.
Snipers take cheap shots at you in a public forum (when they wouldn’t behave the same way in private) (more…)
Help Me Dan
Thursday, October 29th, 2009
ASK DAN FOR HELP!
Do you need help dealing with difficult people? Could you use some assistance with stress management? How about concrete tactics and scripts for raising your level of communication in the workplace? Do you have any customer service or workplace communication challenges? How about harassment or diversity questions?
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