Excerpt from Energy Vampire Slaying: 101.
How to recognize them: Look for the dark cloud looming above their heads–the cloud that follows them around wherever they go. They always have criticisms, and rarely have solutions. If they do offer a comment veiled as a solution, it frequently involves destruction rather than creation. They can be either extroverted or introverted, but their mere energy in a room is so toxic it creates a bad taste in your mouth. When these people enter a room, the whole energy changes, and the non-toxic people present become uncomfortable until the Negaddicteds leave. In extreme cases, their faces even have permanent frown lines that only a visit to a dermatologist or med-spa can correct. They definitely do NOT comply with the 5 positives to every 1 negative rule. They are called toxic for a reason: Whether in a home or an office, they poison the environment and can make people emotionally, spiritually, and physically sick.
Who they are: Negaddicteds are the saddest people of all. They live in a dark, ugly, place where everything is a total drag, and they want to drag you into that world. Forgive them; they just don’t know any other way to be. Negativity is part of their identity. They are spiraling down a vortex of toxicity because they are entrenched in a pattern of destruction (of their own making, for the most part) and don’t know how to change it.
What their rewards are: Negaddicteds are looking for validation and connection. They want you to wallow around with them in the toxic cosmic sludge. They want you to join their downer-party, agree with them, support them, or if nothing else, just listen to them.
How to treat them: Redirect. Redirect. Redirect. Let them know clearly that you are on a mission to shine light and positive energy into the world, and you need their help to do it. Surprisingly, Negaddicteds like to feel needed without having to really do anything. Later, when they start to say negative things, you can immediately launch into the anti-negativity mode that you set them up for. Remember to put up your shield of white light when you are around a Negaddicted, and make sure to feed your brain something positive before your encounter with them.
What to do:
1) Lay the groundwork by saying something such as, “I need your help. I’m trying to be more positive and avoid negativity. This is very important to me, and will actually help you too because I think you’ll enjoy being around me more. If you see me saying or doing anything negative, please point it out, OK?”
2) Once you’ve done this, when they start to exhibit their negativity, shoot positive power phrases at them that deflect the negativity without being aggressive.
3) Suggest alternative viewpoints: Suggest an alternative positive way of looking at things.
4) Ask them what they would do that would make things better.
5) BE CONSISTENT in your negativity-deflection and assertive communication and they will NOT think talking to you is fun. They will go find their next victim down the hallway.
6) If all else fails, RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN. In other words, begin to avoid this person for your own mental health.
What not to do: As a Potential Slayer, you must understand that Energy Vampires by definition are miserable. There is never a need, or excuse to add to someone’s misery. Do not, however, in any way engage them or respond to their negativity with anything other than well thought-out power phrases. Never agree with them or lead them to believe you are on their team. Stop rewarding the behavior.
Slayer principle:
You can’t shine bright light without charging your own batteries.
Feed your body, mind, and spirit with things that nourish them.
SAY THIS:
POWER PHRASES:
“I’m really trying to keep things positive–it’s for my health–can you help me do that, please?”
“I really like…”
“What do you think would make it better?”
“Watch–you’ll love it” (coupled with the broken record)
“Maybe you should talk to someone about that.”
“What solutions do you think would work?”
“Be careful–what you focus on grows, and I’d hate to see this grow–for your sake”
NOT THIS:
DANGER PHRASES:
“Oh, that’s too bad.”
“I agree.” (When you really don’t…)
“Is there anything I can do?”
“You’re right.”
“You’re so negative.”
“What’s your problem?”
“What’s wrong with you?”
“Will you marry me?” Avoid this one at all costs!
Special note:
Negaddicteds, while passive, are among the most dangerous of all EVs. Their energy is poisonous, and can spread like a cancer through an office, or a home. They are a like a cosmic disease, and just like any other disease, they need to be eradicated, or at least quarantined in an office setting. Make sure they have little or no contact with those who are still healthy. It’s worth it. Negativity destroys productivity. I find that in most organizations, a company-wide training program is needed to remedy the problem. The training must start with management, and every single person should attend. If you’re like most people who work in an office these days, you know what I mean. If you need immediate help, call the Slayer Hotline at 877-570-1573, or email us at help@powerdiversity.com.
BONUS TACTIC:
“THE CLICKER”
Every employee in your organization should be issued a clicker—like the ones used for dog training, and be required to carry it at all times. They’re cheap, and about the size of a matchbox. When anyone hears something negative, it becomes the obligation of the listener to click the dog clicker (they’re super loud) until the offender gets the idea and stops the negative chatter. It gets very annoying for Negaddicteds when everyone is always pointing and clicking at them. It’s loud and startling; they WILL break the pattern. Try it. It works, and it’s fun for everyone.
Tags: communication in the workplace, Communication Tips, communication training, Danger Phrases, dealing with difficult people resources, Difficult People, Difficult People at Work, effective communication, effective communication skills training, Power Phrases, Professional Communication