MILDRED’S REAR VIEW MIRROR–by Who else? Mildred

AN ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE

I’ve been reading a great deal lately–0n blog postings and elsewhere–about giving without counting the cost–and about not expecting anything in return. Dan O’Connor, Chief Energy Vampire Slayer has written several blogs on the topic, and of course I’ve read them all. Theoretically, everything he’s said is well and good. But I live in a slightly different world from Dan, so pardon me if I speak with experience, rather than theory, as my guide. While it is true that you save yourself a great deal of heartache when you expect nothing in return for what you give to children, spouses, parents, friends, significant others, it is also true that at some point, if no one thanks you, if no one notices what you are doing, you will stop giving. You simply will. It is human nature to want to be appreciated for giving. It is human nature to want your efforts recognized. It simply is. We should all consider this when we are the recipients of anyone’s concern, time, talent, attention, and of course–money. We should remember that just as the giver isn’t “entitled” to a response, we aren’t “entitled” to the gift, by definition of the word “gift.” You don’t need me to give the dictionary definition. You know what a gift is. And if you receive one, you should, for your own sake, express a genuine attitude of gratitude to the giver. This would include whomever or whatever you call God, or your higher power, or Allah or any being that might impact the day you are enjoying. It would include your spouse and friends who are ever-there for you. And yes, it includes children as well. The idea that we sacrifice for our children so that they can turn and say “who asked you to?” is unacceptable to me. I hope it is unacceptable to my children as well. No, I don’t deserve a big Thank You for my efforts on behalf of them, but in many instances, they don’t deserve the efforts to begin with. Are we then at a stalemate? I think not. Just be grateful, children, for the efforts of your parents–especially if you want them to keep it up.

That does not mean you are beholden to them. And parents, be grateful for the efforts of your children, because they need encouragement. An attitude of gratitude for efforts is different from rewarding the sacrifice of another by fulfilling the expectations of that other person. We should be fulfilling our own expectations, of course, and not those imposed upon us. So let’s be clear. We can and should be grateful for what others do for us–without being beholden to them. Remember that distinction, but remember also that THE CARDINAL SIN IS INGRATITUDE. Don’t be guilty of that sin; it will cost you dearly.

Dan is the expert on communication training, dealing with difficult people in the workplace, business writing, diversity, leadership–all things dealing with communication. I’ll grant that and give him his due. But I’m the expert on GRATITUDE. And I’ve some experience with ingratitude as well. This old dog has learned a few tricks and will be passing them on from time to time–no matter what Dan says.

Of course, I wasn’t always so smart. But it’s easy when you’re looking through the rear view mirror.

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