Dan O'Connor

Posts Tagged ‘Ask Dan’

Choose Your Subject Wisely

Tuesday, November 10th, 2009

During a recent communication training for managers and supervisors on-site workshop, a woman asked me why she struggles so much with getting people’s attention and respect when she gives orders. I asked her to give me a few orders the way she would normally do it, and I immediately discovered what a big part of her communication challenge was. She was misplacing her subject.

We frequently sabotage our message as soon as we begin speaking by choosing the wrong subject. If you listen to the average communicator giving instructions, for example, they begin with “You need” or “I need,” and that ruins what comes after.

Remember: If you’re giving instructions, the most important part of the sentence is the beginning, or in other words, the subject. Choose your subject wisely, and avoid using “I need” or “you need” unless your needs, or the needs of the other person, (more…)

 

Can You Give Me Some Tips for Delivering Difficult Messages?

Tuesday, November 10th, 2009

Dear Dan:

I think I need to polish my assertive communication skills. I’ve recently been promoted to supervisor in a government agency, and I have have difficult conversations with people who are my friends, and used to be my coworkers on the same level. Can you give me some communication tips for telling people when they have made a mistake, or when they need to change their behavior? I think I read in a previous communication advice column that you referred to scripting a lot, and use it in your on-site communication training courses, and keynote speakers use scripting a lot too. Can you help?

Thanks!

New Supervisor in New Jersey

Dear New Jersey:

I’d love to help! In my on-site communication training and seminars I frequently refer to what’s called “free-style scripting.” Free-style scripting is the future of communication scripting; it helps you be (more…)

 

How am I Supposed to Say No?

Monday, November 9th, 2009

Dear Dan,

So you’re a professional communications trainer and speaker. Tell me–My manager says that I sound like I work at the DMV when I say no to people. She says I’m supposed to say it more diplomatically (whatever that means) and that knowing how to say no in a professional way is part of the professional communication skills thing…what does that mean, and how am I supposed to say no at work?

What’s wrong with just saying no when you mean no? (more…)

 

I deserve an explanation…my boyfriend dumped me.

Friday, November 6th, 2009

Dear Dan:

My boyfriend dumped me with no explanation. I think I deserve one. How do I get him to tell me what’s going on?

Scorned in Schenectady.

Dear Scorned:

I always receive questions during my communication training seminars, and letters from my onsite training clients, asking me how to get their spouse/significant other/boss/friend to give more, explain more, or do something out of obligation, because the person who’s writing to me thinks that he or she DESERVES something after all they’ve done, or sacrificed.

As a communication trainer and keynote speaker specializing in dealing with difficult people, this issue comes up frequently.

The following section comes from my upcoming communication program, “Special Relationships”. I hope it helps everyone of us who struggles with these types of issues:

“But I’ve sacrificed so much!”

How often do you say or think this?

“I’ve sacrificed so much for you, I’ve sacrificed so much for this…I DESERVE…”

What does that even mean? Sacrifice?

I thought I’d look it up.

In the Oxford dictionary, sacrifice has many definitions…the first one is “The act of giving up something valued for the sake of something else more important or worthy.” (more…)

 

How to Find Your American Power Tone

Friday, November 6th, 2009

Effective communication in the workplace takes practice. The following comes from not an onsite communication course, but a communication at work resource I authored called Communicate in America. Whether you’re dealing with difficult people at work or at home, tone is critical. Read on to learn how to find your American Power Tone.

Do you ever get the feeling that you aren’t being taken seriously and that you don’t know why? Do people think that you’re cute but wouldn’t trust you with their major accounts? Do they smile at you as if you’re a child while you’re speaking and you don’t know what’s getting between you and your message? It could be your tone. Let’s start at the very beginning.

There are three components to any message that we send. There’s a verbal component, a vocal component and an “everything else” component. Here’s what I’d like you to remember. The verbal component, or the words, is generally about 7% of the message. (more…)

 

Help Me Dan

Thursday, October 29th, 2009

ASK DAN FOR HELP!

Do you need help dealing with difficult people?  Could you use some assistance with stress management? How about concrete tactics and scripts for raising your level of communication in the workplace? Do you have any customer service or workplace communication challenges? How about harassment or diversity questions?

Ask Dan! He’ll be happy to help, and you could help others in the process.

Simply fill out the form below (you will remain anonymous) and Dan will give you an answer.

 

TO READ DAN’S COMMUNICATION ADVICE COLUMN, AND LEARN FROM PREVIOUS QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS, CLICK HERE