Dan O'Connor

Posts Tagged ‘Difficult People’

4 Danger Phrases You Should NEVER Say at Work

Saturday, May 22nd, 2010

FREE AUDIO PODCAST: Here’s your professional communication skills training lesson for the day, brought to you by communication trainer and motivational keynote speaker Dan O’Connor:

FOUR DANGER PHRASES YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY AT WORK (OR AT HOME):

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• No offense but…
• Don’t take this the wrong way, but…
• Our computers are slow… (more…)

 

How to Deal with THE NEGADDICTED

Tuesday, April 27th, 2010

Excerpt from Energy Vampire Slaying: 101.

How to recognize them: Look for the dark cloud looming above their heads–the cloud that follows them around wherever they go. They always have criticisms, and rarely have solutions. If they do offer a comment veiled as a solution, it frequently involves destruction rather than creation. They can be either extroverted or introverted, but their mere energy in a room is so toxic it creates a bad taste in your mouth. When these people enter a room, the whole energy changes, and the non-toxic people present become uncomfortable until the Negaddicteds leave. In extreme cases, their faces even have permanent frown lines that only a visit to a dermatologist or med-spa can correct. They definitely do NOT comply with the 5 positives to every 1 negative rule. They are called toxic for a reason: (more…)

 

Use the “Preemptive Strike” to Soften The Blow

Saturday, December 5th, 2009

If you’re in customer service, you know that there are some messages you have to regularly deliver that you know will upset people. Part of professional communication training is learning how to tell a customer something they don’t want to hear without making the customer unnecessarily upset or angry. If you have the opportunity to provide just five minutes of on-site communication training per week to your group, quick and easy communication tactics like this one can make all the difference.

The “Preemptive Strike” is easy; all you have to to is tell the customer that you are aware that you are about to make them upset or angry. This might sound strange, and as a communication trainer, I can tell you that every time I teach this tactic in my seminars or workshops, some people look at me as though I’m demented, but try this tactic out, and you’ll see how well it works.

The basic premise is that we all appreciate it when people treat us as if we are real, live human beings with feelings, and we appreciate it when people address those feelings. Meaning, let’s say you have been on hold with your light company for 15 minutes, and then you finally get a customer service representative with undeveloped skills who tells you something such as, “Oh, you’ll have to call this other number.” (more…)

 

Tip for Dealing with Angry or Emotional Customers

Thursday, December 3rd, 2009

When communicating with emotionally charged or angry customers, many of us try to calm them down by slowly, clearly, and logically telling them how we can help them with whatever technical issue they’re having. Basically, we speak to the logical side of their brain, when they’re speaking from the emotional side of their brain.

Don’t do that!

QUICK TIP: When someone is speaking to you from emotion, you have to speak first to that emotion before speaking to logic. The professional, powerful communicator knows to match the level of emotion with a different emotion. What that means is, if they’re very upset, you can be very empathetic. If they’re very angry, you can be very concerned.

Same level of emotion, but a different emotion.

Emotional people want us to be emotional too. Before they can get “un-stuck,” they want (more…)

 

MILDRED’S REAR VIEW MIRROR–by Who else? Mildred

Monday, November 16th, 2009

WHERE DO THOSE DIFFICULT PEOPLE COME FROM, ANYWAY???

Where do those difficult people in the workplace come from? Ever wonder that? Were they just born mean? Were their parents mean? When they were little, was their mean behavior rewarded? (Because remember, what gets rewarded, gets repeated.) I don’t know, but I have my suspicions. My suspicion is that from a very young age, they were given examples of angry, taunting abusive behavior by somebody close to them–and on a regular basis. I’m not suggesting the example was given deliberately, or with a mean spirit. In fact, the opposite is probably true. The example (given by parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings) may well have been given with no motive whatsoever. It might be just people being who they are. But please note: Children are sponges, and they will absorb what they see around them. Difficult people are made, not born.

Case in point: My guess is that people who mock and call names–people who seem to lack respect for those they perceive to be different from themselves–probably grew up being called names–perhaps even in jest. They might have heard “stupid,” “idiot,” and worse–applied to them and their siblings as though the names had been given at birth. Perhaps the name-calling was accompanied by laughter, or evoked laughter from those who witnessed it. And the result? Little sponge (more…)

 

Help Me Dan

Thursday, October 29th, 2009

ASK DAN FOR HELP!

Do you need help dealing with difficult people?  Could you use some assistance with stress management? How about concrete tactics and scripts for raising your level of communication in the workplace? Do you have any customer service or workplace communication challenges? How about harassment or diversity questions?

Ask Dan! He’ll be happy to help, and you could help others in the process.

Simply fill out the form below (you will remain anonymous) and Dan will give you an answer.

 

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