Dan O'Connor

Posts Tagged ‘Love’

10 POWER PHRASES YOUR CHILDREN SHOULD HEAR YOU SAY OFTEN

Monday, December 28th, 2009

Use these phrases constantly. You can’t say them enough. Say them to your kids right now as soon as you finish reading this, and never stop saying them.

Communication skills are not just about business. The most important place you can exhibit effective communication skills is at home. Here are some power phrases you can use at home in abundance. Use them all the time, every day.

1. “I love you so much–no matter what–always.”

2. “You can always count on me.”

3. “You’re beautiful just the way you are.”

4. “Your job is to dream as big as you can. My job is to help you achieve your dreams. I’ll do my job if you do yours.”

5. “You can do it. You can do anything.” (more…)

 

MILDRED’S REAR VIEW MIRROR–by Who else? Mildred

Monday, November 16th, 2009

WHERE DO THOSE DIFFICULT PEOPLE COME FROM, ANYWAY???

Where do those difficult people in the workplace come from? Ever wonder that? Were they just born mean? Were their parents mean? When they were little, was their mean behavior rewarded? (Because remember, what gets rewarded, gets repeated.) I don’t know, but I have my suspicions. My suspicion is that from a very young age, they were given examples of angry, taunting abusive behavior by somebody close to them–and on a regular basis. I’m not suggesting the example was given deliberately, or with a mean spirit. In fact, the opposite is probably true. The example (given by parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings) may well have been given with no motive whatsoever. It might be just people being who they are. But please note: Children are sponges, and they will absorb what they see around them. Difficult people are made, not born.

Case in point: My guess is that people who mock and call names–people who seem to lack respect for those they perceive to be different from themselves–probably grew up being called names–perhaps even in jest. They might have heard “stupid,” “idiot,” and worse–applied to them and their siblings as though the names had been given at birth. Perhaps the name-calling was accompanied by laughter, or evoked laughter from those who witnessed it. And the result? Little sponge (more…)

 

MILDRED’S REAR VIEW MIRROR–by Who else? Mildred

Saturday, November 14th, 2009

AN ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE

I’ve been reading a great deal lately–0n blog postings and elsewhere–about giving without counting the cost–and about not expecting anything in return. Dan O’Connor, Chief Energy Vampire Slayer has written several blogs on the topic, and of course I’ve read them all. Theoretically, everything he’s said is well and good. But I live in a slightly different world from Dan, so pardon me if I speak with experience, rather than theory, as my guide. While it is true that you save yourself a great deal of heartache when you expect nothing in return for what you give to children, spouses, parents, friends, significant others, it is also true that at some point, if no one thanks you, if no one notices what you are doing, you will stop giving. You simply will. It is human nature to want to be appreciated for giving. It is human nature to want your efforts recognized. It simply is. We should all consider this when we are the recipients of anyone’s (more…)

 

I deserve an explanation…my boyfriend dumped me.

Friday, November 6th, 2009

Dear Dan:

My boyfriend dumped me with no explanation. I think I deserve one. How do I get him to tell me what’s going on?

Scorned in Schenectady.

Dear Scorned:

I always receive questions during my communication training seminars, and letters from my onsite training clients, asking me how to get their spouse/significant other/boss/friend to give more, explain more, or do something out of obligation, because the person who’s writing to me thinks that he or she DESERVES something after all they’ve done, or sacrificed.

As a communication trainer and keynote speaker specializing in dealing with difficult people, this issue comes up frequently.

The following section comes from my upcoming communication program, “Special Relationships”. I hope it helps everyone of us who struggles with these types of issues:

“But I’ve sacrificed so much!”

How often do you say or think this?

“I’ve sacrificed so much for you, I’ve sacrificed so much for this…I DESERVE…”

What does that even mean? Sacrifice?

I thought I’d look it up.

In the Oxford dictionary, sacrifice has many definitions…the first one is “The act of giving up something valued for the sake of something else more important or worthy.” (more…)

 

If you REALLY loved me…

Friday, November 6th, 2009

“If you really loved me, you’d…”

How many times have we thought that or said that, referring to someone else’s behavior? If you’re polishing your communication skills, the phrase, “If you really loved me,” would be what we call in my onsite communication training courses, a DELETE PHRASE. While delivering a funny keynote presentation the other day, part of the presentation was about the following:

“If you really loved me you’d fix the ceiling in the living room that you said you’d fix for the past year. If you really loved me you’d help me with the housework more, because I’ve told you a million times how much I need help. If you really loved me you’d stop working late, and come home to help me with the kids. If you really loved me you’d…basically change who you are.”

That’s what we say, that’s what we think, and that’s what we communicate when we buy into the delusion that someone who we love could change who they are if they just loved us enough. (more…)