Tip for Dealing with Angry or Emotional Customers

Article posted on Thursday, December, 3rd, 2009 at 1:40 am

When communicating with emotionally charged or angry customers, many of us try to calm them down by slowly, clearly, and logically telling them how we can help them with whatever technical issue they’re having. Basically, we speak to the logical side of their brain, when they’re speaking from the emotional side of their brain.

Don’t do that!

QUICK TIP: When someone is speaking to you from emotion, you have to speak first to that emotion before speaking to logic. The professional, powerful communicator knows to match the level of emotion with a different emotion. What that means is, if they’re very upset, you can be very empathetic. If they’re very angry, you can be very concerned.

Same level of emotion, but a different emotion.

Emotional people want us to be emotional too. Before they can get “un-stuck,” they want to see that they have hooked us emotionally somehow. That’s how people are.

So, show people that you are emotional along with them, and that helps them get “un-stuck.” THEN you can speak to the logical side of the brain, and start solving the problem. Just remember, you can’t get logical information through an emotional brain. Speak first to emotion, then to logic.

Some simple power phrases you can use to do this are things such as, “Wow, I can see how upset you are, and I don’t blame you a bit.” Or, “I can see how angry you are, and after what you just told me, I’m surprised you’re not even more upset.” Or, “Well, I don’t blame you for being upset, and I’m glad you brought this to me, because I’m the right person.”

Put phrases like these into your own words, and watch what happens when you use them to respond, rather than react, the next time you have to provide customer service to (or communicate with) an emotionally charged or angry customer.

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  1. Mary Ellen Barney says:
    December 11, 2009 at 2:50 am

    Dan, I just have to speak my mind tonight, and since I don’t have my own blog, I’m using yours. Sorry.
    Whatever happened to respect for one’s elders? Whatever happened to being seen and not heard? Whatever happened to “because I said so”? These seem very archaic now, don’t they? But they worked. There was a day when the difficult people–about which we hear and talk so much–were rarely found in the classroom, unless they were teaching. No, teachers ruled the roost, and if a lippy student wanted to be obnoxious (oops, I mean assert his or her rights), they were summarily discharged to the principal–who did NOT, I repeat did NOT reprimand the teacher. To the contrary, the principal made it a point to scare the living bajeebers out of the student. The perpetrator’s big concern? Will my parents be called? Please, god, NO No. The poor kid had the entire walk home to ponder his (or her) fate.

    Today, if people in the workplace are bullies, supervisors can’t just say “Get out of here if you can’t respect other people, and don’t let the door slam your butt on the way out.” No, first the supervisor has to check the file, determine tenure, make certain he’s not violating a race or gender code, file six million reports on the offender, and then ask permission of HIS superiors before he fires the bully. Why? Because there is no longer respect for authority, respect for elders, or respect for anything. Now there are just rules and regulations that hamper the intelligent and swift meting out of justice for obvious infractions of common decency. Again, why? Because society has apparently determined that the old axiom that with responsibility comes authority no longer applies. There is no distinction in authority between children and the parents that have responsibility for them. None. There is no such thing as “back talk” or insolence. Now children speak any way they wish to their parents and teachers, knowing that there is no longer such a thing as respect. How liberating for the little dears. There are simply laws that protect them and their mouths. Obedience? That belongs in the past. Loyalty is somewhere out there, too–with obedience.
    I have only one thing to say to the parents and teachers who are dealing with today’s youth–on a level playing field–now that authority no longer commands respect–now that everyone is “equal”–

    One tiny thing to say….
    HOW’S THAT WORKIN’ FOR YA?????

    Mary Ellen Barney, IL

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